My life has been in turmoil recently. My parents divorced, had to move and live on my own. I fell in love with a boy and he left me. Had suicidal thoughts that almost sent me to the psych ward. Found out I had borderline personality disorder. Been having a few depressive and hypomanic crises throughout the year.

And yet I survived!

Thought I lost some friends but they suddenly came back. Had to leave the boy I once loved (who was also my favorite person and I couldn't stand to be left on read). Yet, I figured out my sexuality, I figured out a lot of things: I figured out that I needed more therapy, and that maybe meds wouldn't work very well.

If you ever feel hopeless like this, try to remember that you are an amazing person. I know this sounds like a cliché, that it doesn't matter once you want to end your life, but I know talking like this makes the difference. That's why I'm alive.

I've been doing hormone therapy and socially transitioning for a year now, and I feel like it made a big difference: it made me happier, even when I'm in my lowest.

Before transition, I just felt like a piece of flesh with a beard and a lot of social anxiety. Now, I love what I see in the mirror, and I love the person I've become. I love my cute face, I love my quirky ways. Bottom and breasts are now growing and getting more femme. I'm more fashionable now. My voice sounds so great. I love to sing, I love to dance. I feel alive.

Whenever I feel bad, I may return to this post and see how happy I actually am.

That's how I open my new blog! Please enjoy.