I was so happy last week, but now I feel so vulnerable...
Last week was actually great. I've spent some quality time with a person I love, started exercising, cooking, working, feeling great about myself. At some point of the week, I argued with my best friend and we got really pissed with each other, but then we solved our problems and became as happy together as we used to be. All is well that end well.
However, my health concerns started to remind me how annoying life can be. My gallbladder had to be surgically removed in the weekend due to acute pain. I had to rush to the hospital and undergo surgery, which is something I was planning but it's not nice.
The surgery was okay, aside from a bit of discomfort. The person I love stayed with me at the hospital, which was so nice of her (I love her so much). We actually had some good time, even as I was in such shape.
Things started getting difficult as I got back home. I believe a combination of general discomfort, bipolar disorder and the effects of anesthesia started making me really stressed, angry, tired and mellow. Aside from that, dealing with my father and with my cat is growing stressful.
Well, my cat is a cat. He does cat stuff, and he seems to be a little more aware that he cannot be such a ruckus everytime. He's actually sleeping the whole night with me, which is amazing. But sometimes he gets me really pissed... there's nothing I can really do, but it's difficult.
About my father: I know he's trying his best, and I'm sometimes very ungrateful with him... but it's a bit hard to deal with him sometimes. It's as if he doesn't read the situation, and I have to constantly ask for help, and sometimes he drives me mad. I don't want to be angry with him, but why does he always have to be so clueless? It's tiring...
All this stuff is making me feel way more mellow than I am, usually. I decided to take some time away from my best friends because I'm afraid of being bitchy or angry and saying something I might regret. I'm catastrophizing so much about everything. I'm starting to become a little afraid of losing someone I love for being so vulnerable and scared. I think I'm getting a little more depressed.
One thing I'm trying to remind myself is that these things will pass. I'll feel better once more. But sometimes I get so pissed with the fact that I am bipolar and I can't even be stable for more than a week. Fuck...